Heaven's a lie
by Sakura Dante
Summary: 'What is this love anyway… It's nothing a child or a demon could ever feel, isn't it' Perhaps time is what will show the opposite.
1. What is this?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any characters from it, I ain't making any money from this story either. If I was, it would be all yaoi, fluff and forbidden love

* * *

Chapter 1

~What is this?~

Silent moans, which sounded quite painful, were heard through the corridor of Phantomhive mansion, where Ciel was passing through, at the moment. Sounds were coming from Sebastians room.

_'There's no way that demon would be in pain, is there?'_

Ciel was always sure, that demons don't feel pain. At all. But these sounds got him quite confused. Why would one moan like that in the middle of night? Originally he was passing the hallway, because he needed bathroom, but these unusual moans made him slow down his pace at Sebastians door. It wasn't closed fully. Ciel leaned a bit closer to the door to make sure that he wasn't imagining things and that moans were real. Hell, yes they were real and they came along with a heavy, loud breathing, which was just as unusual as moans, coming from the demon.

_'Maybe he's having a nightmare…' _Ciel tried to come up with a reasonable explanation of this unusual phenomena, also called anything, but not coolness, that was the only emotion that anyone would ever feel from demon.

_'Do demons even sleep? No, I think not… If they do, can they dream?'_ Demons were just too much of a mystery even to Ciel, who had dedicated his life to solving various mysteries and finally getting his revenge on mysterious murderers of his parents.

_'The door isn't closed… What if he's really in pain? Or needs help?' _Ciel was having second thoughts such as what if demon didn't want him to see in such state, if he actually was in pain… Or why would Earl even bother to help a butler.

_'But a little peek won't hurt, will it? He won't even notice…' _Ciel's heartbeat rose a bit in excitement of the fact that he was about to see something unusual. Something unusual from his usually cold, emotionless demon – butler. He opened the door just a little bit more, so he could see with a corner of his eye the sight of his butler. The fact, that he had to open the door a bit more, risking himself to get caught, made his heartbeat even faster, deepening his breathing a bit. He tried his best to stay unnoticed, even though it was quite hard now, that his heart was racing.

Curtains weren't closed and the moon shined all over the room, making it mysteriously, somewhat romantically shine in the dark. Bed was shining in the light of the moon, just as its covers were, the wardrobe, every single piece of furniture was shining furiously in the bright beams of the full moon, and so was Sebastian, who was leaning against the window, naked and doing something, that Ciel had never seen before. Sebastian was touching himself… Down there? He was stroking himself faster with every stroke, he's body was covered in sweat droplets, his eyes were closed, lower lip bitten as if he was about to scream. The sight got Ciel stunned. It was the least thing he expected to see. It was the thing he wouldn't even imagine to see. He had no idea of what Sebastian was doing, but it sent chills down his spine and made him blush as if he saw something inappropriate. Well of course it was inappropriate – his butler was naked, touching his private parts for an unknown reason. Ciel closed the door the way it was closed before and stood a good while behind them, as if he was analyzing, what he just saw. In reality, he couldn't make a single thought, his brain was refusing to work. He tried to calm his heartbeat, but it refused to go back to normal pace.

"Oh… Oh, Ciel!" Ciel almost jumped as he heard his name throughout Sebastian's moans. The only thought he had now in his mind was to get to the toilet. As soon, as possible. He ran to the bathroom, closed the door behind him and locked it, crashing his body against the door as if someone was chasing him. His heart was about to jump out of his chest, he was breathing as if he had run a marathon. He didn't know what to think, nor what to do, but he felt really hard pressure in his bladder of which he wanted to get rid of as soon, as possible.

He almost fell down as he tried to take his pants off, just to see how… Big and hard he had grown during his walk from his room to bathroom.  
"Am I sick? What's wrong with me…?" He whispered to himself as he proceeded his futile attempts to get rid of the pressure in his bladder.

_"I.. I can't! It hurts. It hurts!' _His thoughts rushed through his mind as he felt all the uneasiness inside of his privates. He held himself inside of his hands, and stroked himself a little bit, with hope of calming the unknown down. The stroke didn't help, it only sent shivers down his spine. It tickled. The fact of what he did disgusted him.

_'Why would it tickle? It hurts, after all.' _He didn't realize how his hands moved on their own and kept stroking his length. His breathing fastened even more as his pace kept growing faster. The sight of Sebastian doing… The same thing, came back to his mind, making him even hotter and harder. It didn't take long for him to reach the point where he was panting, his body slowly collapsing on the floor, his lips seeking for something invisible in the air. He was making no sound, just deep breathes with his eyes shut he felt as if he was about to reach something, not sure of what it was, all he knew was that he needed to reach that point, the end of the pain and tickling, and weird feeling, but it only built up more and more, putting more tension on his body, on his lower parts, his blood pulsing in his veins, his head, his heart pounding louder than his breath was heard. And then something blew up. A sudden light blinded his vision, everything stopped. His heart made him feel the way he had never felt. It was so hot, so calm inside of him finally. His hard and big length seemed to shrink inside of his hands… Something wet was flowing out of him, which seemed a bit too thick to be his pee. He suddenly opened his eyes in stress:  
"Blood?" he whispered, checking his hands and only finding an unknown sticky substance which covered his palms and floor.

"What is this?"

* * *

The air was fresh and open window was letting calm wind play with the air in the mansions library. Ciel was sitting in front of a big, magnificent mahogany desk and curiously reading something that he had searched for whole 3 hours. It was only 9 am now, but Ciel was already getting slightly tired. He hadn't slept at all, because he couldn't help, but be afraid of what happened last night. The only reasonable thing he could think of was to go to the huge library of the Phantomhive mansion and read it up somewhere, because he was sure that there wasn't a thing that wouldn't be written in those countless books which recided in the library,that was remade the same way and filled with same books that his ancestors were collecting for decades, after the mansion was burnt down.

Actually his first thought was to ask Sebastian, but he felt as if asking this was something really weird and every time he tried to brace himself and tell himself, that there could be nothing wrong in the fact he had questions or problems, he couldn't help but flush red and get all dizzy, when he thought of it. So he ended up in the library, being all sleepy but unexplainably excited about everything he found out there.

He was reading some kind of book about sexology. Really, despite the fact that he thought that there would never be books about what happened to him (though he hoped there would be since there was nothing he couldn't find there until now), he found plenty of anatomy books which led him to this certain book about human relationships – mental and physical. He read through emotional affections and the different meanings of what it meant to love until he finally found what sexual arousal led to. He was blushing deeply, as he was reading through pages, his heart beating a little bit faster, than it was meant to beat.

Steps were heard tapping closer to the library door making Ciel almost pass out in scare. He quickly closed the book and tried to cover it with other books that he found near as much as possible until his eyes lingered upon the names of those books – anatomy, humans body and other things, that Ciel wouldn't like anyone to see that he was reading about, so he just slid his hands over the desk and made all the books drop into his lap yelping out a little of how unexpectedly heavy they were. He searched with his eyes through the books he had dropped earlier due to impatience and excitement of finding something useful, when his eye suddenly spotted a small love novel. He quickly picked it up and pretended to be reading, just at the exact moment, when library door widely opened and someone walked in in a quite rushed step. Ciel let out a deep breath of relief when he saw Finnian curiously looking for something in the library. Ciels sigh made Finnian jump and blush, for an unknown reason.

"I-I'm sorry, young ma…master! I did-didn't n-know that so-someone was… here. Of all places… I'm deeply sorry! I'll leave now." As he was talking his eyes were still darting around, looking for something, but Ciel didn't feel like asking of what it was because of the situation he was in – heavy books in his lap, the stupid love novel in his hands and unreasonable blush on his face. He just wanted Finnian to leave and never come back. So he felt unbelievable relief when his gardener did what he had just said.

"Stupid Finnian. Got me so scared…" Ciel started picking books up from his lap.  
"Young master, what has gotten you scared? And, more importantly, what are you doing so early in the morning in the library? This is rather unusual. I didn't find you in your bedroom, when I went to wake you up and here you are." Sebastian slowly spoke walking forward to the table.

"What are you reading there, young master? Is it something of high importance, that you got up so early and went here on your own?" Ciels puzzled thoughts, his futile attempts to think of something reasonable, were scaring him.

_'Why just after stupid gardener had left, Sebastian had to come here? Just when I calmed down… Gardener… Garden!' _Ciel finally thought of some kind of reason what made him annoyingly happy.

"I'm here because of roses. You know how much I love them, and you see, they seem to be dying. Finnian is taking great care of them and yet there is getting less and less of them. That's why I came here to read something about them and come up with some kind of a solution." Ciel tried to talk as calm as he could.

"Sebastian, I'm in the middle of my research, so I would really like it if you could leave me alone."

"Is that so. I see. It's really wise of you to take care of that on your own, instead of making Finnian study about them. But you shouldn't forget that you have work that has to be done aside from roses." Sebastian replied now moving further away from Ciel and his embarrassing research.

"Would you like some tea or, perhaps, breakfast, young master?"

"No... No, I just want to be alone." Ciel shrugged off his hunger and prayed that Sebastian wouldn't change his mind and move closer to Ciel, once again.

Ciel once again let out deep breath of relief, this time feeling completely safe. He quickly, once again, started piling books from his lap onto the table. While searching for the place where he closed the book he stumbled upon an unusual (as if everything he had read today wasn't unusual enough) title. It said "One sex love". Ciel suddenly completely forgot about what he was reading before, finding this title more interesting. He started reading about how it was possible for 2 humans of the same sex to have sex. At first it was about woman. It wasn't concerning Ciel at all, but he read through it anyway, simply out of curiosity.

* * *

Day passed with no unusual things happening, because right after Ciel finished reading, he ate and silently worked with papers. Sebastian only asked now and then if his young master was feeling well and checked on his temperature few times, receiving annoyed hisses and in the evening he finally gave up on finding out of what was troubling his food*.

* I'm sorry, it's kind of getting boring to call Ciel Young Master or Ciel. And I can't actually write bocchan since it's not in English and would just look off. And calling him food just seems too awesome to let this opportunity pass :D

Sebastian poured some steaming caramelly brown tea into the cup and named it in a funny name that Ciel didn't bother to listen to. He always found it rather weird, that his butler was naming every food or drink he put in front of Ciel, but he didn't want to bother asking him not to, besides, sometimes his ears catched few funny names of his favorite dishes so he was able to ask Sebastian make them again for him. The sweet scent of hot liquid was reaching Ciels nostrils as he breathed in the air around him, making his mind drift off in a peaceful and sweet feeling that scent gave to him.

"Well, then, I shall take my leave. Please keep on working." Sebastian bowed, taking few steps backwards from the table where Ciel was sitting at.

"If you want anything, Young Master…"  
"I will call you, yes." Ciel finished Sebstians sentence which he had heard hundreds of times during this day. Sebastian left. Ciel took the cup and sipped some of the sweet wonderfulness almost forgetting about night's events and things that he had read during the morning.

* * *

Sebastians eyes were darting through the library as he walked closer to the desk, where Ciel was sitting in the morning.

"Roses, huh…"He whispered to himself, bending himself to pick up a book, which was lying next to the chair on which his young master was sitting in the morning. He slid his gloved fingertips across the title of the book. "Human anatomy" it said. His lips curved into a devilish smirk, one befitting him the most. His eyes almost sparked of how interesting he found the fact, that this was the research, which Ciel was doing. He left the book on the floor, just in case Ciel would notice and started walking away, but his eyes slid across a carelessly tucked into the shelf book. Despite the fact, that all books that were in this library were dust covered, this one seemed as something, that has been read recently. During this morning, perhaps. He took it out, just to find that it had no title at all – just black cover, so he had no other choice as to open it and read through the pages. His smirk grew even bigger, when he put the book back to where he took it from and walked out of the library.

_'Roses, indeed.'_ He continued smirking, while he walked through the long hallway of Phantomhives mansion, towards his young masters room.

He wasn't really surprised to find Ciel sleeping on his desk with angelic face, his hand still holding the tea cup, which was now empty. Smirk didn't leave his face at all, it only seemed to grow bigger and his eyes seemed to spark even more, filled with devilish droplets of red and golden. He walked to his master and picked him up, as he usually did.

He was already positioning Ciel in his bed, as boys eyes opened wide open.  
"W-what are you doing?" Ciel mumbled through his sleep and surprise.

"I carried you to your bed, young master, because you fell asleep during your work." He slowly said as he started unbuttoning Ciels shirt.

At fist Ciel tried to resist his sleepiness which was overwhelming his body until he gave up and decided not to fight back and go to sleep, even though it was early evening. Sebastians gloved fingers touched Ciels collarbone making his body shiver at the unexpected touch.

"I… I can do that on my own!" Ciel suddenly shook off Sebastians hand and started ripping his buttons open. You couldn't call it anything else, really, because it actually seemed as if Ciel had no idea of how to open a button.

It amused Sebastian to see his young master struggle, even though they both realized that this was just as unusual as futile, for Ciel to do this.

"Is something wrong, that you don't wish my assistance? Did I do something wrong, young master?" Sebastian said slowly once again, gently pulling open the last button that was left and seemed to be already hanging on a thread after all the force that Ciel was using against those poor little things.

"No. I just want to do it on my own, that's all." Ciel tried to sound as if this was normal, usual and reasonable. He looked up at Sebastian, trying to look as serious as it was possible, but he couldn't keep up an eye contact and quickly looked away. Sebastian found that as amusing as everything, that was happening this evening, but he decided that smirking right now wouldn't please the younger boy, so he put his hands on Ciels shorts and tried to pull them off, but his hand ended up being hit as if he was doing something unusually impropriate.

"As I said, I can do this on my own!" Ciel stated and turned away, facing his bed. Sebastian gave it a little thought, giving into a little devilish smirk, since Ciel had turned away and then decided to leave.

"If you do not wish for my help, young master, then I shall take my leave. Have a good night and deep sleep. You have to do a lot of work tomorrow, since you didn't finish your today's work, so rest well." And with those words he bowed and walked away, silently closing the door behind him.

"What's wrong with me…" Ciel whispered to himself after he heard Sebastians steps fading away. He laid in his bed, with his shorts still on and took a deep breath. He suddenly felt unimaginably sleepy and couldn't help himself but to snuggle under the sheets and fall asleep in his shorts and socks.

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Since english isn't my native language, I guess there are some mistakes, and I'm sorry for them. If you find em, I would appreciate if you could point them out for me :)

Hope you guys enjoy it D: tuturuuu~ fluff is comin'


	2. Death

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any characters from it, I ain't making any money from this story either. If I was, it would be all yaoi, fluff and forbidden love

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Chapter 2

~Death~

Sebastians hand slid across Ciels face, cupping his cheeks and making him open his eyes. He leaned forward making Ciels heart beat faster with every inch he got closer, until their lips were pressed against each other making Ciels heart stop. He felt the way his soul was being extracted out of his body, making him numb. Sebastians hands slid across Ciels body, slowly undressing him. His skilled fingers moved across his buttons, opening them one by one and sliding Ciels shirt off his shoulders making Sebastian change his course of actions and slide his lips against revealed flesh. He bit Ciels neck just a little bit, as if checking if boy was still conscious, and he was. The way Ciel breathed hard against the sudden pain and sensation of himself being drank away made Sebastian's truly masochistic wishes overcome his self restriction. He bit through the sensitive flesh on Ciels neck, drawing a light tray of blood out of him as if he was a vampire. Indeed he possessed fangs and unimaginable urge to drink Ciels blood, but it was only Ciels. He had never wanted any other humans blood, but he wanted Ciels both blood and soul. Ciel just struggled against his bodies wish to pass out, because he wanted to be alive just a little longer. Just spend a little bit more seconds of sweet breathing and feeling of being close to someone. Perhaps he just wanted to have someone close? Maybe, during his whole lifetime, what he really wanted wasn't revenge, but this feeling of being taken by someone, this feeling of complete trust to someone. Why did it have to be demon, now, that he realized that? His eyelids were getting heavier by every second of his blood, flowing out of his body. On top of having only little remains of his soul, that one would hardly call any soul at all, he now was getting anemia. Just what was death thinking of him, making fun of his consciousness like that? That probably was because he gave himself to a demon. There really was no death since there couldn't be choice between hell and heaven. He could only be eaten and end up nowhere at all. Did that mean that in reality he wouldn't die? Or maybe he wasn't alive to begin with. His vision was getting blurrier, when he again felt Sebastian's lips on his own, this time locked in a fierce kiss, drawing the last remains of Ciels breath out of him, when he suddenly pulled away, checking Ciels neck for pulse. It still was there. He was alive. Barely. Ciel was dizzier than ever, he felt dead, as he slowly struggled against the numb pain in his body and tried to open his eyelids. He managed to open them just a little. His eyes felt as if they were filled with blood – everything seemed red and glowing.

"Why don't you say anything? Why don't you do anything?" Demonic form of his butler asked him.

_'I… can't…'_ Ciel thought, as he shut his eyes closed once again. He tried to scream. He was screaming inside. He really was. He was crying and screaming inside. He wanted to live. He wanted to stay close with Sebastian more than anything, but it would be impossible if he was gone.

"Young master.. Young master!" A distant voice was out voicing his thoughts as his eyes slowly opened and he saw his butlers face, and felt him gently shaking Ciels body. Hot tears were streaming down boys cheeks.

"Young master, are you all right?" Sebastian seemed to be more worried than he probably should be.

_'A dream?'_ Ciel thought to himself, as he tried to regain grip of the situation. He instinctively touched the place on his neck, which moments ago was causing him anemia and overflowing his whole body with blood. It was dry. 'It must had been a dream, then. But why was Sebastian here?'

"Young master, please, answer me! Are you all right? You were screaming so loud." Look of serious concern was all over Sebastians face making Ciel somewhat at ease. 'So I won't die just yet.'

"Yes, I just had a… Dream." Ciel opened his mouth, but his throat was more dry than he expected it to be, even considering the fact that he was screaming, his voice sounded growling.

"Would you want some water?"

"Yes…"

* * *

Ciel was sitting in his bed, slowly sipping cold water that kind of pained his dry throat. Sebastian was standing next to his bed with unreadable expression, his eyes looking somewhere through the space. None of them could say anything, but thoughts were filling both of their minds. Sebastian wanted to know about the dream, which had his master screaming and crying like that, while all that Ciel wanted was for demon to go away and forget all of this, even though he knew, that that will not happen. Because of Ciels wish to stay silent he drank water unnaturally slow, making sips that hurt him like little needles, darting through his body, making it cold on the inside. But he rather felt pain instead of having to talk.

Every sip of water that boy took was heard through the room like a gunshot. It really was unbearably silent there, so Sebastian broke the silence.

"Young master, for how long are you going to drink that water?" He slowly asked, trying to face Ciel, who turned away right at the same moment when Sebastian shifted his body to meet Ciels eyes.

"Until I drink it all." Ciel was amazed, that Sebastian had the nerve to ask his master such question, even though it was obvious that the way Ciel drank was unnatural and done on purpose.

"In that pace you won't succeed on finishing it even by the morning." Sebastian stated the obvious. Thought of drinking water whole night and having the demon beside him during that made Ciel shrug in his sheets. He finished the water in few mouthfuls and gave the empty glass to his butler. Sebastian seemed satisfied, even though his expression didn't alter the slightest.

"Happy?"

"It's of your own benefit, that you don't get yourself hurt, my lord."

Slight blush seemed to play in Ciels cheeks, even though it was dark in the room. The fact that Sebastian realized about how much boy was hurting himself with slow drinking theatre truly disgraced his high self.

He suddenly remembered his dream, shrugging once again, but this time shrug didn't go past Sebastian unnoticed.

"Is something wrong, young master?"

Ciel tried to ignore the question as if it wasn't said out loud.

"Young master, would you mind telling me about your dream?"

Silence.

"Young master, are you feeling unwell?" Sebastian now moved closer to the younger boy in order to check on his temperature, but the slight change in his stance made Ciel turn his head and glare at him with angry look in his eyes, as well as making his body temperature rise by, as what Ciel could tell, a lot. But the look didn't stop Sebastian at all, as he leaned forward pressing his forehead against Ciels. The movement froze the younger boy. The sensation of having Sebastian's face so close made his body go numb; his mind black out. He felt hot breath on his face and the moment of the closeness seemed to last forever. The heat inside of him seemed to burn his body, making his hands shaky.

"As I thought," butler pulled away "My lord, you have a fever." He stood up straight. "Would you like some medicine?"

Ciel only moved his head from one side to another, because he couldn't make words come out of his mouth.

_'What's with my body? Why am I acting like this? He only checked my temperature, after all!' _Ciel tried his best at convincing his body of the fact that nothing impropriate didn't happen

_'Impropriate…' _the sight of his butler in the moonlight came into his mind, making his blood rush into his head this time surely painting his pale face crimson. _'Just why… Why was he calling my name then?' _Ciel couldn't stop his unneeded thoughts from filling himself up with questions.

"Young master, you are burning! It really seems that you need some medical attention." Sebastian broke his thoughts making him able to actually respond.

"No! I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Humans don't get this hot and red out of tiredness."

"I said I'm fine." Ciel really tried to convince himself more, than he tried to make Sebastian believe in his words. But it was futile, as neither of them believed in those lies.

"Young master…" Sebastian seemed to be thinking for a moment and then he continued "Would you, please, tell me about your dream?"

Ciel let out sigh. _'Is that all that you can think about? Would you really want me to tell you of how I dreamt of you killing me?' _Ciel thought some more. '_About how I didn't want you... to. How I wanted to live… With __**you**__… For eternity…' _Thoughts of the dream made Ciels eyes tear up. Feelings, that were filling him up were pure madness. He couldn't possibly believe that in the dream he wanted to stay with the demon forever. He could believe less the fact that after seeing the dream he now wanted the same in life. In life he didn't actually have, since he had sold his soul to the one he wanted to live forever with. Why was he feeling so hot, when thinking of this as well as by having his butler simply being close to him in this dark room?

"Are you crying?" Sebastian leaned forward to see Ciels face in the darkness only to find frustrated and flushed face of his young master.

"I'm not! I don't want to talk about that dream."

"My, my, young master. Don't get angry. I just want to get rid of every single thing that's troubling you or could become a trouble, and human dreams are usually connected to the reality and their subcounsciousness so I would like to know about things that scare you this much."

"There's nothing to get rid off!" Ciel snapped and hid his head in the covers of his bed, burying his face in pillow.

"I'm going to sleep now, so get out!"

"Yes, my lord." Ciel didn't see his butler but he knew that those words were followed with slight bow and a visible smirk on his devilish face.

Only after the door was closed he uncovered his face and gasped for air.

_'Get rid of my troubles… Huh. That would mean making me immortal and living with me the whole eternity.' _Ciels eyes teared up once again, because he understood that there was no way of his newly found wishes to ever come true.

* * *

"How are you feeling today, young master?" Sebastian said, opening the curtains.

Ciel tried to hide the bright sunlight with his hands as well as he tried to keep his eyes open more than for a mere blink.

"Fine."

"I shall bring your breakfast while you're getting up."

"Fine."

"Are you sure that your fever is down, young master?" Sebastian just didn't want to leave Ciel like that. He moved over to Ciels bed and bent himself to put his face above Ciels.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ciels eyes now were open and his whole body was burning.

Sebastian pressed his forehead against Ciels.

_'He's this close. Again. I can't stand it… Will he kiss me?'_

"Checking whether you have fever or not, young master. It seems that you are fine, so I shall take my leave." With those words Sebastians figure moved away.

Ciels heartbeat was dangerously darting his chest and his body seemed sweating. He was aroused, and after he had found the meaning behind this feeling it annoyed and scared him now, since he was aroused because of his butler.

_'This will hurt... If I don't get rid of it.' _Ciel thought as his hand slipped inside of his pants to adjust his now hard flesh.

_'What should I do now?' _His hand was aching to stroke his hard flesh as well as he knew that Sebastians nose would smell his act even from the kitchen or simply come back and catch him at the act. He felt his face flush red once again because of his urges and thoughts, when his butler entered his bedroom.

"Young master, would you like to have…" He stopped, as he looked at his young master

"Young master, are you really all right? If it's not fever then maybe it's your heart that makes your skin flushed with blood?"

He took Ciels hand into his and checked his pulse only to find out that Ciels heart was beating unbelievably fast. The touch made his heart beat even faster, throbbing boys insides, slowly melting them.

"It's bad. Let me check your temperature once more and I shall look for a medical attention this instant."

Sebastian leaned forward to press his forehead against Ciels. That was the last drop. Ciel snapped.

"Kiss me." Ciel didn't really understand what he was saying now.

"Young master?" For the first time Sebastian had expression that was somewhat full with doubt and surprise. Ciel didn't reply. But this time Sebastian didn't keep questioning his prey. He leaned a little bit closer and slightly pressed his soft lips against Ciels. That didn't stop Ciels heartbeat from racing, on the contrary, it was promising Ciel, to beat out of his chest, this time for sure. He closed his eyes.

Sebastian couldn't stop. He tried to get away, but his body refused to. The fact that Ciel wanted this made him even more confused now, that even after doing it Ciel wasn't protesting or pressing Sebastian away. He leaned even closer, closing the distance between his and Ciels lips once more, this time parting his own lips and darting his tongue against Ciels corner of lips and making its way to the middle, now pressing hard and making Ciel part his lips aswell, letting it inside of his mouth. Ciel couldn't think straight either, he couldn't press his butler away nor he could turn away himself. He wanted more. His tongue craved for Sebastians and now that they had met he couldn't stop at all. He tried to take it easy, slow, but he couldn't. Heat inside of his mouth made Sebastian press harder against his lips and explore every place where he could reach with his own tongue. Ciel tried his best to press his own into Sebastians mouth but ended up having fierce fight over dominance. It was so passionate that Ciel forgot to breathe. He forgot how to breathe. And it felt the best. He loved this moment.

_'More… Kiss me more.' _ Thought didn't leave Ciels mind, but he couldn't make a sound as Sebastian pulled away to let Ciel breathe.

"Breathe now, will you, young master?" Their both eyes were opened now.

_'I don't need to breathe. I need you.'_

Sebastian had the most difficult expression that Ciel had ever seen on his emotionless butlers face. His eyes were sparkling, he was looking into Ciels eyes while wetting his own lips with his tongue, looking like a cat after a delicious meal. His hair was falling into his face, he was breathing hard. Right now he was looking wild and untamed. And certainly pleased. Ciel was intoxicated by his kiss, his flawless face, the fierce look in his eyes. He was handsome. Suddenly Sebastian leaned forward and kissed Ciels right side of neck. It made him shiver, reminding of how this movement caused him anemia in his dream. But Sebastian didn't bite, howerever he didn't kiss either. He just breathed hard against Ciels neck, making him shiver and gasp for breath. Heat tickled his insides even though his butlers hot breath was darting outside of Ciel.

"Why did you ask me to do that?" Every letter tickled Ciel so hard that his body felt no different than when he suffered anemia during his dream. He felt dizzy and unbelievably heavy.

"Young master, please tell me…" Sebastian gently bit Ciels earlobe as he continued whispering into his ear "Why did you ask me to do that? Do you know what you have done?"

Ciel couldn't react or reply. He couldn't think or understand reason behind Sebastians questions, he just wanted to be kissed more. _More._ But he knew that he has to give at least some kind of reply or his butler will think that he died.

"I…" He stopped as he couldn't even think of a single thing to say.

Sebastian now pulled away from Ciels ear to look him into his eyes.

_'So beautiful… Such wild eyes, yet so tempting.' _ He was too unreal to exist, too handsome, too impossible to be here and he could never be able to understand how Ciel felt. And he could never spend eternity with Ciel because he could never love him. There was needed love to spend eternity with someone.

_'Even though I want to spend eternity with him… I don't love him, do I? What is this love anyway… It's nothing a child or a demon could ever feel, isn't it?'_

And yet they both craved for each other more. _More._

"Young master, why are you crying after you have provoked me this much?"

Ciel didn't feel his hot tears until he realized what his butler was saying. He fought the urge to press his butler away and turn his face against his pillows because of how ashamed he was to cry in front of someone and extended his hands, putting them around Sebastians neck.

_'Even if we don't love each other I still want his lips. I still want to spend eternity with him.'_

Ciel pulled Sebastian closer, crashing their lips together into another passionate kiss, this time taking advantage of surprise in Sebastians movements to dart his tongue inside Sebastians mouth, sliding it over one of Sebastians fangs, checking the sharpness of it. It was surprising how quick it broke the flesh and made little droplets of coppery taste slip between their lips certainly making the kiss more enjoyable to Sebastian. Sebastians hands slipped all around Ciels tender body, caressing every little place they could reach, including Ciels hard flesh inbetween his legs, his lips pushed closer and tongue caressed all the blood he could get out of Ciels broken skin. He was now on top of the younger male, breathing hard against Ciels face and suddenly Ciel felt a little bit more aware of his actions which made him doubt if he really wanted to do what they were doing. Just at the moment when Sebastians hand grabbed Ciels length, he pulled his face away, panting hard, looking even wilder, refusing to look into Ciels eyes.

"Young master… I shall take my leave."

He jumped up and disappeared from Ciels bedroom leaving confused boy lay in his bed and think about what had just happened.

* * *

For the first time in his entire lifetime Sebastian had lost his cool. For the first time in his lifetime he had found himself masturbating fiercely in thoughts of his prey during nights. For the first time in his lifetime has he craved for a body, not a soul. For the first time he has refused his urge to have a soul and thought that it wouldn't be bad if that soul kept on living with him. For him. Even though this soul supposedly would be the tastiest of all things he had ever had.

"What a fascinating human. And he's just a little boy." Smirk lingered on Sebastians face as he cleaned himself from his own sticky fluid.

* * *

I'm still not an english person and I'm still thankful for my mistakes being pointed out.

*bows*


	3. Roses, oh beautiful roses

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any characters from it, I ain't making any money from this story either. If I was, it would be all yaoi, fluff and forbidden love

* * *

Chapter 3

~Roses, oh beautiful roses~

Ciel heard a loud thug as curtains were opened letting bright sunbeams into his bedroom. It was already morning and despite the fact that Ciel couldn't sleep at all he didn't feel tired at all. He had spent all night thinking about what had happened before Sebastian left him with his urges. And he had spent whole night comparing his own actions with those he read in books and driving parallels with every little thing he could find similar. In those books it was all about physical attraction, lust. About sex and natural urges. He could think of his sexual arousal as of natural urge, but there was no way for him to drive any parallel with anything natural in his urge to kiss his butler. He felt ashamed, nevertheless he felt sad about how his butler just left him here and now acted as if nothing had happened.

"Young master, there are 3 meetings that you have to attend to today and also Marchioness Frances Midford called to tell about how her daughter couldn't wait to see you and, even though she tried to stop her, Lady Elizabeth had already decided to pay a visit to you, this evening."

Ciel was annoyed by calmness and firmness in his butlers voice, it was the usual Sebastian, not the wild beast he had encountered during the night.

_'Maybe he didn't like it? Oh… That's it. He did it because I asked him to. He doesn't care about me at all. He doesn't want to kiss me or touch me, he does this just to get my soul.'_

"I'll leave you for a moment to bring you your breakfast, young master."

Ciel didn't bother to reply or even look up at his butler.

* * *

As day went on Ciel felt more and more depressed about his puzzled feelings and the fact that the one he had those unknown feelings for, didn't feel even slightly the same, except for that certain someone's urge to eat Ciels soul was always present, making him even more sorrowful. Since he wasn't one of those who'd smile much or seem to be joyful about life, no one of humans who he had met today noticed any change in his mood. Even if they would, they wouldn't care, Ciel remarked in his thoughts, flowing along with the day. Each minute made him drown in his dolorous thoughts a little bit more, overwhelming him with grief.

Just as Ciel was never the one to be joyful, he wasn't the one to actually want to live except for he lived that he could get revenge on the murderer, who destroyed his parents and childhood, along with his smile. However by the evening he had drowned in his thoughts so deep that a single thought about how nice it would be die right now, and how the revenge wasn't as important as it seemed whole those 3 years, was the only one that was left. All the others had destroyed his mood and will insanely deep and didn't even have place in his heart to be thought of. However in moments boy was frustrated and angry again, thinking about how nice it would be for his butler to die instead and leave him alone. But even though his thoughts changed by minutes, there was nothing to change the depressed state boy had drove himself in by the time his cousin came for a visit.

"Ciel! I missed you so much!" Lizzie yelled in her usual, overwhelming with cheer, tears and happiness, voice, ran right to the boy and hugged him so tight that he felt as if his bones were on verge of breaking. She pressed wet kiss on his cheek, as she usually did, making Ciel turn his head slightly more away than he had intended. Somehow his female cousins and fiancées affection scared him, a little. Perhaps it was disgust or maybe he was too much of a child to like the girl. But why had he liked to kiss Sebastian?

"Good evening, Elizabeth, how nice of you to come." Ciel replied in his monotone voice, trying his best to force a smile out of him only succeeding to make some creepy expression what could mean that he wanted to go to the bathroom or that his body was pierced with a knife and yet he tried to say his last goodbye to someone dear. In other words he failed miserably.

"Lizzie! Call me Lizzie, Ciel, how many times do I have to tell you that?" She smiled her brightest smile, although Ciel had doubts whether she even could have smile that would seem less bright. Sebastian walked forward.

"Lady Midford, please come forth to the guest room. I've prepared some Sponge cake filled with butter cream and covered with dark chocolate glaze aswell as finest ceilon tea to go along with it." He smiled his devilish grin and followed Lizzie and Ciel, who both went to the guest room.

_'Even he is smiling. They all are happy. Why am I the only one who can never be happy?'_

They ate and drank in silence except for Lizzie, who at the very beginning told about her maid Paula who made a silly mistake while… This is where she stopped since she noticed that no one was paying attention to her story.

"I shall bring some more tea. Excuse me." With a firm bow the butler of Phantomhives left two cousins alone.

"Ciel! What's wrong?" For the first time Ciel heard her fiancée talk in somewhat serious tone.

"As expected, there's no hiding a thing from you, Elizabeth." Ciel somewhat succeeded to put on his face a painful smile.

"Why are you so sad? What has happened?"

Ciel didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to tell the truth nor how to find a decent lie.

Silence.

"Ciel, is it something about your work?"

_'Work… Oh, work! She doesn't know a thing about it it.'_

"Yes."

"I can't allow for something so minor to make you this sad! That's it, we're having a party tomorrow evening. I'll call everyone! And all your friends too. I'll ask my maids and cook to work in your mansion tomorrow evening, to help your household, and everything will be so pretty and happy!" Sparks of happiness filled Lizzies eyes.

_'However you don't even realize how much sadder I might feel after a party which I hate.'_

But Lizzie stood up before Ciel could even reply to her and gave a rushed hug to the boy.

"I'll go now! I have to prepare for the party and call everyone! Goodbye, Ciel!" Another careless peck on his cheek and she was gone.

* * *

Another sleepless night filled with sorrowful thoughts. Another useless morning with happy butler who seems to have forgotten about everything, except for this morning he asks something, instead of stating things that have to be done during the day.

"Young master, what is troubling you? Perhaps you still don't feel well? Or have a fever?" With those words he moved closer, once again intending to press his forehead against Ciels.

"No. Go away!" Ciel stopped him just a moment before their foreheads touched. There was no way that Sebastian wouldn't obey his masters direct order, especially when he didn't have his eye patch on.

"Yes, my lord." He bowed and left the room.

_'Why is he so ignorant. Maybe he has actually forgotten what we did? Or did it disgust him so much that now he refuses to remember it?'_

"My lord, I brought you your breakfast. You have the party arranged by Lady Midford this evening so I canceled all appointments you had today so you can rest. It seems that this will be a long night for you."

Ciel still refused to look up at his butler as well as reply, but he decided that he wouldn't like him to go on and try to check Ciels temperature once again, so he braced himself and gave a firm nod.

_'What a hateful evening this will be.'_

"Ciel!" With a loud scream Lizzie ran into Ciels bedroom and dropped, what it seemed, a heavy box.

"What are you doing here?" Ciel hadn't woke up enough to brace himself on hiding his surprise which made him talk in unnatural for him way, his voice filled with some kind of emotion.

"I came here to decorate the mansion! Which decorations will look the best, in your opinion? Everything has to be the way you want it, because this party is to cheer you up!"

_'If everything would be the way I want it, then there would be no party at all. And you wouldn't be here… And Sebastian… He… No, I don't need him.'_

"Blue ones will do." He casually said and watched his fiancée as she took the box in her clumsy hands and ran out of the bedroom.

* * *

Mansion was filled with people who talked, danced, drank and ate. Everyone was having fun. Everyone, except for Ciel, for who the party was held.

_'So loud.'_

His depressing thoughts didn't seem to leave him at all. He was sitting on a couch and sipping some disgusting liquid which he found a little bit tastier with every sip he took, perhaps because of how it seemed drowning his sorrowful thoughts in its stiff taste. He wanted to leave the crowd and go to his bed, but it would be too impolite of him to do so. Random people, who claimed to be his friends, came closer to him, sometimes even sat beside him to have a random talk about how great the party was going and how good everything tasted. Most of them were drunk and that disgusted Ciel more than loudness and happiness that overwhelmed mansions first floor. He kept drinking that unknown liquid glass after glass, since he couldn't find anything better to do. He did his best to avoid dancing, he wasn't hungry nor interested in the party whatsoever. All he did was more thinking and sinking into his depression. He finally braced himself to leave the living room to breathe some fresh air on the balcony. Even though all windows were open, the room, which was filled with people breathing, talking and doing all other activities which party suggested, was insanely hot to be there.

No one was on the balcony and Ciel took a deep breath suddenly getting dizzy. His legs seemed to refuse standing and head begun spinning and he did his best to catch his body against the wall of the balcony not to fall down. And then he cried.

"Young master, what are you doing here?" He heard distant steps nearing and familiar voice calling out for him, but didn't bother to reply or, at least, stop crying and pretend that nothing was wrong.

"Young master?" This time voice seemed to be really near. Ciel opened his eyes just to see loose figure of his butler, who had sat down on his knees to see Ciels face.

"Young master… What have you been drinking this whole evening?"

"Dunno…" Was short reply which Ciel gave followed by a loud hiccup.

_'What was that… Why can't I think of anything decent? I can barely talk. What did I drink?' _ Boy questioned himself even though he couldn't think of any answer at all, only having this thought disappear from his mind.

He suddenly felt his body flying up and it took him, what it seemed, a long time to open his eyes and see his butlers face up close and took another long time to understand that he was carried somewhere.

"Where I'm flying?" Ciel couldn't stop his laugh as he said this. Sebastian was smiling whole this time, but Ciels honest laugh made him smile even wider, slightly baring his fangs which, even if not as big and sharp as in his demon form, he had in his human form.

"I'm carrying you to your bedroom, young master, since you don't seem to be capable of attending the party any longer."

"I want to dance!" Boy demanded having joyous sparkles darting through his eyes.

"I wouldn't suggest dancing, since your body doesn't seem to work the way you would like it to."

Ciel suddenly moved in Sebastians hands, making futile attempt of escaping and then suddenly bit his butlers ear, drawing small stream of blood, surprising Sebastian more than enough to succeed in his escape. He luckily landed on his legs and grabbed his surprised butlers hands, pulling him to the living room, where almost everyone now was dancing. He tried hard on making his legs go as straight as possible and avoided tripping or running into some other dancing pair.

"Dance with me!" Boy demanded, putting his butlers hands around his waist. Sebastian judged from how his young master led him to the dance floor that if he held him properly he wouldn't fall or do major damage to other people who danced in the room, so didn't resist.

"Fine, young master, but after this dance you won't resist going to bed."

Ciel smiled back at his now constantly smiling butler and enjoyed swirling around the dance floor, closing his eyes and trusting his body to his butler, letting him spin the boy around, fly around all the people who were in the living room who mostly kept still in a small spot they had chosen for them and did some boring dance moves there. Ciel didn't pay attention to anything at all, even as people watched two males swirl around the dance floor and even as his fiancée screamed of how she wanted to dance with him and that she didn't ask for dance because she wanted to make Ciel happy knowing that he hates dancing. With his eyes closed he laid his dizzy head on his butlers shoulder, or at least he hoped that it was close to it, since he couldn't reach up so high anyway. His dizzy mind had cast aside all the sad feelings making him feel light and… Happy.

He was flying again. He opened his eyes and took his moment to understand that he was carried once again.

"The dance after which u promised to obediently go to bed has been danced, young master."

Even though Ciel had problems on getting grip of the situation he didn't resist since promise was a promise even if he didn't understand what he was doing or couldn't think quite straight.

Next time he opened his eyes he was sitting in his bed, being undressed by his butler.

Hot tears began to run down his cheeks once again because of Sebastians touch.

"Young master, what's troubling you? You've been crying a lot recently. You seem depressed and I can't help, but worry about you."

_'Why would you worry about me, when you left me like that? You just need my soul…' _His sadness kicked in once again, now with even stronger intensity, making Ciel cry even more.

"Young master, please tell me, what's wrong." Sebastian stopped undressing Ciel and tried to look him in his eyes.

"You…" Ciel tried to say all that he felt through his sobs, but ended up crying even more.

"Me?"

"Y…" Ciel braced himself and finally spoke as normal as he could, considering his dizzy state which disapproved of any logical thought Ciel could have "You want only my soul! You don't care about me at all, even though I… You kissed me! Why did you kiss me and then act as if nothing had happened? You hated it, right? You don't like me at all. Is it because I'm a boy? In my dreams I can only see you killing me, and that's how it is. I get it. But it hurts me that you did that… And then…" He began crying again.

"Young master…" For the first time Sebastian seemed to be lost in his thoughts. "I care about you more than you can imagine and I crave for you more than a demon should crave for ones soul."

"So… So it's all about the soul."

"I crave for not only your soul and that is what is most unusual for a demon. I agree that your soul would be the most delicious meal I could ever have, however I've been thinking about you more than just of a luxurious meal."

"What?" Even though Ciel tried his best, he couldn't get a single word of what his demon was saying. He was too drunk and didn't understand such thoughts which held deep meaning in them or actually any meaning at all, but Ciel refused to agree to such lengths.

"Young master… I want not only your soul is what I'm saying. And when you asked me to kiss you I went too far and was about the moment where I couldn't force myself to stop. Also I saw that you were quite frightened by that moment, so I decided to get away from you. Because I care for you."

Ciel was now trying to set his eyesight on his butlers face, but that was harder than he expected when he opened them.

"Sebastian, why do I feel funny around you?" Boy tried to speak seriously, but ended up having another hiccup which made his butler chuckle.

"That, young master, is up to you to figure out. But now that I know that, I shall restrain myself from getting too intimate with you, for example I shall stop checking your temperature with my forehead."

"N-no! Sebastian, do you feel funny around me too?" Another hiccup, another chuckle.

"Why, young master, what an interesting way to say it. Yes I do."

"Then keep doing that… Keep getting close… Just don't run away once you do it!"

Ciel had never sounded more like a child during those 3 years. Only now the boy realized how much he had lacked his sleep in those 2 sleepless nights, but he forced himself not to fall asleep. Not now.

"Young master, you should go to sleep. And if that's what you wish for, then I shall permit myself to do as I did until now. And I did not run away, I simply stopped because I thought that you have a fever and that you aren't aware of your own actions."

"I was so hot because of you, you idiot!" With a hiccup boy failed fighting against his sleep and fell asleep, his body heavily falling into his butlers waiting arms.

"What a fascinating human you are, young master. You don't cease to amaze me."

* * *

'_I'm going to throw up. My head is going to explode. I'll die today, for sure. Just what the hell happened yesterday?'_

Ciel tried his best on recalling recent events while holding his head in his hands. It felt as if it was going to leave him if he wouldn't do so, but as he did so it felt as if it was only progressing the process of his brain blowing up process. Fresh air which was now flowing inside his bedroom through the opened window seemed sharp and unwelcome inside of his body but he kept breathing deeply, accepting all the feelings he got from each breath he took, concentrating on those so he wouldn't need to throw up. His memory was failing on him and a single thought of the disgusting drinks he had yesterday was making his stomach turn inside out.

Sebastian walked into his bedroom with a firm smirk and a glass of water.

"Young master, would you want some breakfast?" Butler knew very well of how humans reacted to such proposals while having hangover, but he couldn't stop himself from teasing his young master.

"I want to throw up, Sebastian. Can't you see that I'm in no state to eat? I'm sick, now for real!"

"My young master, I'm well aware of your condition which hardly could be considered a sickness, but it is my duty to offer you some food."

Ciel clicked his tongue in response and accepted glass of cold liquid his butler was handing out to him.

He bought the glass to his lips and then quicly removed it.

"I can't, I'm going to throw up because of this too."

"You have to drink a lot of water, young master. I doubt that you will throw up just because of this."

Boy glared at his butler and took a small sip.

After some pause he finally spoke.

"Sebastian, what on earth happened yesterday?"

Sebastian couldn't stop smirking at his masters question and for a moment thought of what he should answer.

"You drank wine, I believe so, while I wasn't watching over you, since you didn't want me to be around. You drank quite a lot of it and then you asked me to dance with you."

Blush rose in to Ciels face as he lowered his gaze in shame

"What did you do then?"

"I danced with you, young master, because you wouldn't go to sleep otherwise."

Blush in boys face seemed to deepen

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"I couldn't. You even went as far to bite me."

Ciels face now was crimson and his eyes were searching for some place where he could hide and never come out.

"I bit you? Where?"

"My ear, young master. I must agree that you are the first human who has done so."

_'Just how much could I do while drunk? This is why I hate drunk people who aren't aware of their own actions! Did I do more?'_

"And what happened after that?"

"I carried you to your bed, young master and then you fell asleep." Even though Sebastian was tempted to tell Ciel about all the embarrassing things they had discussed yesterday, _before _ his young master fell asleep, he found it far too exciting to tease the boy afterwards, now, that he knew how he felt. Sebastian indeed thought that when boy asked for a kiss it was due to his fever and subconscious needs of his body. But now it seemed to excite him, the way his young master actually wanted to be touched by the demon, but didn't remember that he was the one to confess that.

"Was that all?" Ciels blush seemed to fade a little as he felt distant feeling of relief flowing inside of his body.

"Yes, young master, you did nothing else." Sebastian hid _'except you talked, not did' _ inside of his smirk and moved away from his young masters bed.

"I shall go and cancel all your appointments for today as well, young master." He bowed and walked out of the bedroom leaving Ciel with his embarrassment and half full glass.

"Sebastian, give me some medicine against this fierce headache!" Boy raised his voice a little bit more than he thought that he would, but didn't get any reply from his butler.

_'He must be already gone, in his demonic speed. What should I do to stop this pain? Why did I bite him and want to dance with him? I'll never drink again. I didn't even know that I was drinking, it's not fair! Does that mean that everyone saw me… With him? I should stop thinking about this. I don't even remember it. I don't even know that he told me truth!' _Ciel was trying to calm himself down, but deep inside he knew that devil couldn't lie to him because he was_ his_ devil.

Pain in his head was getting worse with each minute so he decided to close his eyes and think of something nice, even though he was too ashamed to have nice thoughts.

_'What if ordered Sebastian to kiss me again, even though I'm so angry at him? That would probably be such a waste… To taste his lips, even though he wouldn't like it, and not remember about it today. It's so good that I didn't do anything like that, because I couldn't forgive myself… If I was to forget something like that. I'm not that demon who probably forgot that on a purpose. But I want… Him to remember that. My breath, my lips and I want to be touched by him… And remembered. And enjoyed. What's wrong with me?' _ Even though Ciel realized that he was thinking most indecent things he couldn't stop himself.

* * *

Sebastians eyes were darting from Mey Rin, who just broke an ancient, beautiful porcelain vase to Bardroy who was trying to explain that cooking is an art which had to involve the explosion, that just blew up half the kitchen of the Phantomhives mansion. He was used to uselessness of Phantomhives household, but he hated it the most, when all he was able to think of was going back to his young master, instead of cleaning up the mess those useless people had made. He sighed and asked them to leave the mansion for some time. They did as they were told and Sebastian took his 5 minutes to clean everything up by turning ruins into kitchen and perfectly fixing the vase, thinking of the best ways of how to tease his young master after his confessions. His firm demonical smirk came across his face as he remembered the research his young master was doing in the library.

"Young master, have you recently attended the roses?" He came into boys bedroom with a medicine that was supposed to relieve boys pain.

"What? Why would I do that?" Boy seemed rather annoyed because of demons unreasonable questions during his worst headache.

"You did quite the research on their… Reproduction, as it seems."

Ciels eyes widened as he remembered his lies about how he wanted the roses to be well, as he felt heat rising into his head when thinking of how he never mentioned their reproduction.

He didn't even want to ask, why would his butler imply reproduction of the roses when he clearly hadn't even thought of it before, but it was obvious that the demon was waiting for the answer as Ciels eyes tried to look through his sheets as if to see first floor of his mansion.

"I haven't had time to attend to them recently. How are they?" He tried to make his research seem needless, even though he knew that this talk was simply about the research, not the roses.

"Well, we could both go and see them in the evening, since you have nothing to do today and you should be feeling better by then." Smile never left butlers face, ever since he walked into Ciels bedroom.

"If I do feel better, which I highly doubt, we could." Ciel tried to sound as natural as he could, even though he was worried, annoyed and in pain.

"You should get more sleep, young master." Sebastian said as he closed recently opened curtains. They closed with unpleasant thug, as if they wanted to let more sunbeams into the dark and cold room of the mansion and felt highly displeased by being refused to do so. Thug echoed through Ciels ears as he covered his head with one of his pillows so he wouldn't have to hear any sounds in his mansion, even though even the pillow seemed to be quite loud on his head, aside from his blood that was painfully loud while pulsating in his veins. Everything seemed too loud and way too alive for him at the moment so he forced his eyes closed and didn't bother to stay awake.

Next time he woke up, was already evening. He felt much better, his head wasn't agonizing him anymore and his stomach wasn't going to turn inside out anymore. His room was filled with scent of berries which Sebastian bought along with some berries tea, making Ciel deeply breathe in the freshness of the air.

"How are you feeling, young master?"

"Much better."

"Then we can go check out the wellbeing of your precious roses?" Sebastians question sounded more like a fact. Boy didn't reply, he simply gave a slight nod as he proceeded in consuming the wonderful cold berries which tasted greatly after all he had suffered through.

He was dressed up, as usually and led out of the mansion in the usual manner. But something felt off. Perhaps it was the fact that they both knew about the research Ciel was actually doing or perhaps because Ciel was afraid of getting more questions about his research.

As they entered the rose garden all Ciels thoughts seemed to fade away. The garden was filled with red, white and blue roses, making Ciels heart feel calm and pleased. Everything about this garden was beautiful. Ciel took a deep breath of the roses filled air and stepped forward to the small tea house they had in the middle of the garden. He sat there and kept looking at the beautiful roses forgetting about his butlers existence completely. He indeed did love the roses.

"Young master, after all the research you did, you probably should be aware of how to take care of the little problem that rose-bush has" Sebastian pointed at the bush, which was filled with small , yet beautiful white roses, " Perhaps you could be as kind as to tell me, what is the salvation to that problem, so I could take care of it in your stead, since, as you yourself said, you don't have enough time, even though you're filled with the knowledge."

The bush seemed perfectly fine to Ciel. He didn't know what to reply, but he knew that if he said that he sees nothing wrong in it, Sebastian will know, that he knows nothing about the roses. They both stepped into the little cage-alike, covered in roses garden house.

"Young master, are you allright? Why don't you reply?"

"Yes… It's just…" Ciel was speechless when it came to roses. He sat down in front of the glass table and tried to bring himself to say something reasonable, but came up with nothing.

"Young master, do you have any clue of how to take care of roses?" This time Sebastian asked, looking into boys eyes, making him spit out the sad truth.

"No."

"Then what were you doing in that library back then? Learning about sex, perhaps?" This time the demon was smirking whilst looking into eyes of the flushed child. Ciel didn't reply, but it was clear, that what Sebastian had said was true.

"Young master, you don't have to be ashamed of such things. On top of that, I'm quite aware that you're interested in me and it's not your fever, that is taking over your consciousness."

Ciels eyes were now filled with true surprise as he was looking into his butlers eyes.

"Young master…" Sebastians face got closer to Ciels as he kept whispering his words against his face "I do care about you more, that just stealing away your soul." He leaned even closer, letting his lips brush against Ciels "I don't understand myself, what am I urging for, when it comes to you." His hot breath was darting Ciels mouth. Both of their eyes were closed, they were simply breathing each other in. "Young master, order me to kiss you and I will never pull away unless you want so. I will never let go of you and I will never run away. But please, be aware that I might lose myself and that there might come moment where I can't get away from you even if _you _want so."With these words Ciel lost his mind, he simply refused to think.

"Call me Ciel, when we're close like this." Ciel whispered back to his butler and pressed his lips against Sebastians harder, losing himself, or what he believed was himself. He left all the thoughts and unease he had inside long outside the garden house and didn't think at all as he slid his hands around his butlers neck, leading him to sit down, right next to Ciel, not breaking apart the kiss. Excitement and feelings that Ciels heart felt at that moment completely took away his need to breathe or feel any humanly needs, the only need inside him was lust. He felt hot, his heart felt like it was bleeding and he could feel the blood flowing down it. He felt the pulsating sensation in his temple as well as in his crotch. Suddenly Sebastian pulled away.

"Breathe." Yet another sweetest, uncold look on Sebastians face was present. Those eyes were the most beautiful. Those glowing, bloody red, burning with passion eyes. Now Ciel finally realized how much he loves them, how much they turn him on. He breathed heavily into his butlers face, showing the dirtiest expression one could ever imagine, not caring less about how he looked right now. His lips were swollen and red from the kiss, his eye was half closed, but looking deeply into Sebastians beautiful eyes, turning boy on even more. Sebastian was looking back, obviously lusting for more, breathing heavier than ever, but then he suddenly pulled away.

"So, then, young master, it's getting dark already. You should take a bath and go to sleep."

Ciel was thunderstruck by the sudden stop and change of the mood.

"Wont you do anything more?"

"Young master, we really should stop today."

"But I don't want to stop!"

Sebastian smirked.

"Young master, I'll go prepare your bath." He said as he walked away, simply leaving his young master taken aback and sitting with an unreadable expression and obvious tightness in his shorts.

Boy sat there for a while, trying to collect his thoughts and then stood up and slowly walked out of the rose garden.

* * *

I promise you, I'll give u plenty of lemons. :D

~Still not english. Still want my mistakes to be corrected.

xoxo


	4. Bath

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any characters from it, I ain't making any money from this story either. If I was, it would be all yaoi, fluff and forbidden love

* * *

Chapter 4

~Bath~

Sebastians fingers quickly wavered around his clothes, undoing ribbons, ties and buttons. He didn't hesitate even for a second until it came to Ciels shorts. Boy was trying his best not to get aroused, but as it seemed, he couldn't do so when his butler was around.

"I'll do it myself!" He angrily turned around and clumsily tried to undo the buttons as quickly as possible, in result ripping one of the buttons out completely. Both males watched the button fly across the bathroom, then circle around itself and finally settle in the furthest corner of the room. Sebastian had a hard time hiding his amusement. Ciel quickly moved to the bathtub and slid into the hot water, which was stinging his body like needles, because it was too hot, but boy was too ashamed to stay out of bath to let his butler add some colder water so he just tantalized stings and tried to calm himself down. He was most thankful for the bubbles which covered the surface of the water so no one could see his naked, aroused body. He closed his eyes and breathed in the wonderful vanilla scent, which surprisingly actually calmed him down, because for a moment he forgot to remember, that his butler was right next to him, watching his every movement and listening to his every breath.

"Young master, let me wash your back." Sebastian interrupted Ciels thoughts, but Ciel already didn't mind, because this felt like the usual bath time again. He let his butlers talented fingers run around his back, massaging and washing it with a washcloth. It was most enjoyable sensation, and most relaxing, so he didn't even notice as the usual ritual continued as washcloth went around his chest, hands, sides and then thighs. Suddenly Ciels eyes shut open and all relaxation grew into a tension and a very, very hard flesh in-between his thighs. Sebastian smirked as Ciel turned his head around to show Sebastian that he didn't like what was going on, crushing his lips against Sebastians in a hot kiss instead. His mouth was open and Sebastian didn't hesitate a moment to let his tongue inside to explore the heat in Ciels mouth. His hand still held the washcloth as he slid it over Ciels hard flesh, circling around it in pretense of washing it, then he dropped the washcloth into the water and let his hand stroke Ciels member in the most torturing pace, making Ciel jerk his hips forward into Sebastians hand. Ciel was too afraid to think or break the kiss apart, but Sebastian thought otherwise, so the kiss was broken.

"Breathe." He said again, as his strokes grew in pace. Ciel instantly turned away, but Sebastian grabbed his face with his free hand and made Ciel face him.

"Look at me. I want to see you, I want to see your face and I want to hear your ragged breathing as I make you feel this way." Sebastian was speaking in most serious tone, holding himself back all the way he could. His eyes were bloody, he was filled with desire.

"I want… you." Sebastian whispered, giving the firmest strokes in the quickest pace. His hands felt like they were meant to do this, he was way too good. He made Ciel go crazy. Ciels hands were cramped into the sides of the bath, his mouth was wide open and his eyes were clouded. Sebastian made Ciels heart burst in pieces as he made him scream during his release. Ciel couldn't intake a single breath for a good minute as he tried not to die of all the sensations he felt.

"Young master… Take my hand and get out of the bath, let's dry you off." Sebastians voice sounded uneasy and surprisingly, not calm. For the first time. But Ciel was too taken aback and dizzy to pay attention to that. He tried to collect himself or at least the pieces of him and clumsily climbed out of the bathtub, letting Sebastian cover him with a soft towel. As reality slowly started to come back to him he suddenly noticed, that Sebastians hands were shaking as he dried off boys body. Curiously he looked up at Sebastians face. It was dark. Sebastian was looking down, trying to concentrate on his task, but it was obvious that it was too hard even for the demon.

"Sebastian..." Ciel whispered, making the demon glare into his eyes. The desire, the bloody mess in his eyes was unexplainable. Demons mind was blown off, he was barely holding himself sane.

"Yes?" His voice cracked as he tried to reply normally.

"Are you well?" Boy understood what he was doing and he know that him not ignoring the state his butler was in was going to end dirty, but he really loved to see his butler mindless. He actually wanted his butler to snap, ever since the moment in the garden house.

But on this line Sebastian didn't bother to answer. He picked his master up and threw him into the bed, crawling on top of him in the most inelegant way, ripping his own clothes off his body, leaving only pants on as he started to passionately kiss Ciels lips.

"No… No, I'm not well. I'm not well since the first time I saw you. Just what are you? I don't understand neither you, nor myself. I'm crazy. I'm crazy for you, youn… Ciel. I'm a demon. I can't feel anything. And yet I can swear, I do feel something. Something unexplainable." After every word he kissed Ciel. He kissed his lips, cheeks, ears, neck, collar bone. He kissed all over his face and neck, with every word breaking Ciels insides.

_'Does he feel the same way that I do?' _was the last sane thought of Ciel. He grabbed Sebastians hair, pulled him to his face and started kissing him, while sliding his hands down his butlers fine, muscled body and slid off his pants, then put his hands around his hard flesh, stroking it in his own clumsy, but hot way. Ciel kept stroking his butler with one hand as he grabbed Sebastians hand with other and guided it across his own fragile body. Just as Ciel had snapped, his actions were the last drop in Sebastians traces of humanity and certainly of every single trace of holding back. As much as both of them didn't wish for any of this to actually happen, if it were to happen they probably could never imagine it being in such unbeautiful, wild and taken over by all their beastly brutish instincts, way. Sebastians hand was pressing firmly against the fragile boys flesh, slightly scratching its traces as it was being led lower to boys legs and hard flesh that was in-between them. They both were breathing hard against each others face each time they broke their kisses to get some air, breath hot and greedy for actions. Craving for_ more._

Sebastians harsh strokes were sliding boys body off the bed, slowly, painfully, just as boys strokes were slow on demons pulsating and urging cock. They needed to move, the bed was simply too plain and boring for them, it wasn't letting them be as desperate as they needed to. As they both happened on the floor, completely naked, Sebastian broke the kiss completely, staring at boys lewd face, his parted, swollen lips, his shining eyes, he forced 2 of his fingers between those begging for attention, red lips only to have them sucked in willingly and freely, Ciels tongue wrapping around them, picturing it was his butlers hard flesh, imagining how much his demon would enjoy him doing this to his pulsating, hot cock, covering them in saliva in the most sexy ways he could imagine. Sebastians eyelids were half closed, looking down at his master with almost pained expression, slowly licking his own lips. Not being able to withstand the tension, he grabbed the younger male, brutally shifted their both bodies to the nearest wall and crushed his young master against the wall, pinning his both hands with 1 of his and pressing one of his saliva covered fingers inside of him. Ciels lewd expression didn't change for a moment, it only seemed to become more pleading and lewd. He wasn't surprised by the feeling at the slightest; he didn't feel scared, weird or inexperienced. He felt like he had to get all the sensations he could and he had to get them _now. _Sebastian then leaned in for another passionate and messy kiss, which was filled with teeth and tongues going insane, trying to fight their best for dominance, almost trying to hurt each other more, just to get more pleasure out of the entire act. Indeed all the act was getting more and more sadistic, but both seemed to enjoy every little pained expression and feeling they could get out of it. Sebastians finger was pressing as deep as it could, as he slid in his other finger making Ciel moan against their sadistic kiss. The most delicious moan that demon had ever heard. He just had to hear more of those sweet sounds, it was the only thought resonating in his mind right now, as he started scissoring inside of boys tight ass, stealing more of those sweet sounds from his swollen, delicious lips. They were craving for more, they craved for it now. But they both wanted this sweet pain to last longer, because they both didn't want this to end.

"Se..bastian" Ciel moaned in their kiss

"N..n?"

"P..Please..."

Demon found it amusing, those pleads. Amusing and arousing. It's not like he could get any more aroused than this, but when he heard his young master speak… Beg for him in this manner, it made him feel different. It made him feel like he was alive. Like he was living there, to feel those sensations, he wasn't supposed to feel while being a demon.

"Please, what?" He stopped the kiss, leaving room for boy to collect his thoughts and answer in the most dirty way, the way he wanted to hear him talk right now. He pressed his fingers hard inside of him, then suddenly yanked them out and quickly slid them back, deep inside of the boy, earning the loudest moan he had heard tonight, but he was sure that it wasn't the best boy would do for him.

"Sebastian… Please.. I want you… To fuck me.. I want you... inside of me… Deep and hard.. Like your fingers.." Boy was barely breathing through his words, as Sebastians fingers kept penetrating him.

"Oh? To_ fuck_ you? Where have you learned such a dirty word? I guess I'll have to punish you for using such a foul vocabulary." He pressed another finger inside of his tight, hot entrance.

"Se…Sebastian!"

"M?"

"I wish.. I knew.. more dirty words… So you would punish me even more…" A soft smile played on boys face as he said those words.

Sebastian just didn't know how to stop feeling things for this human creature. His young master seemed as dark and filthy as himself, he was just perfect. This moment was just perfect for the dark demon.

He flipped boys body over, pressing his face hard against the wall, making him curve his back and grant a great view of his ass to his demon butler.

"You are so dirty, Ciel. Are you embarrassed right now, that I can see everything?" He kept penetrating boy with his fingers, leaning in and softly biting his shoulder.

"Please.. No more.."

Demon bit harder, slightly breaking boys skin with his sharp fangs and licking on the fresh wound, granting himself a bliss.

"Answer me. Are you emberassed?"

"Yes.. Please... Don't look anymore… Just fuck me!" Ciels voice was so desperate and filled with pain that Sebastian decided to save his wish to make his master order him to fuck him, and quickly removing his fingers, pressed his own hard flesh against Ciels hot entrance. He slid his pulsating cock across boys ass, teasing him even more, pressing firmly while not sliding it in at the slightest.

"Quickly… Press it in.. I beg you. I need you.. Inside…" Ciels voice cracked as his demon jerked his hips and filled the boy completely.  
"I am inside.. All of me." Sebastians voice was husky, he suddenly felt dizzy. Tightness around his cock was killing and him not doing anything was almost too much for even demon to bear. He flipped boy around, just to throw him in the bed again, to see his face, his hot tears running down his cheeks as the pain of sudden intrusion was causing his whole body tense. He was just a human boy, after all.

"Relax.." Sebastian tried to sound reasonable as his madness was taking over him, ordering him to move already.

"I am relaxed. It.. does hurt.. But I'm crying because I'm happy.. That you hurt me this way. I want you to hurt me more.. I don't want to die, but I want to be hurt by you, this way. Move.. Sebastian, please, move."

Demon needed not to be told twice as he started moving inside of boys tightness. He tried to be gentle, at least somewhere, but he just couldn't. His pace became more desperate with each breath he took, he became more aggressive. Ciel extended his arms to wrap them around his butlers neck, bringing him closer, searching for his lips to kiss, his lewd expression being present on his face once again. Sebastians desperate penetration deepened as he leaned in, colliding their bodies and messily kissing those bloody swollen lips, suddenly getting the loudest and sexiest moan inside of his mouth. He kept pressing up against that sweet spot that was sending his young master over the edge, certainly not being able to kiss him anymore. Boy was grabbing tightly the bed covers around him, his knuckles becoming blue and fingernails almost tearing open the fabric.

"Sebastian.. Sebastian!" Boy cried out as the pace seemed to quicken, even though it wasn't physically possible to be any faster.

"Oh.. Ciel.." demon came deep inside of the boy, his hot load bursting against boys sweetest spot once again, the last time, that was needed for boy to come hardly, seeing colors and feeling his every blood vessel stopping its blood flow just to intake the feeling, the pleasant sensation of him finally being fulfilled. Of him finally getting what he craved for so much.

Sebastian slowly pulled out himself and crashed his body next to Ciels as they both kept silent, trying to catch up breath, catch up the pace of being alive, because they both felt as if they had died at the same moment they came.

* * *

A rather short lemon chapter, however they still have to wake up to each other.

Huhuhuhh makes you wonder what they gonna think once the next day comes, ne? :D


	5. Poison

Chapter 5

~Poison~

"Good morning, young master. How are you feeling today?"

Another loud thug that meant a new morning was heard resounding through the mansion and deep within Ciels ears.

"Ugh…"

_"What crazy dreams do I have recently. At this pace I won't be able to look Sebastian in his face" _Was all that Ciel could think of. There really was nothing that would be able to calm down his hard flesh. There was nothing that would take off the blush off his face.

"My master, are you feeling well?" The usual smirk followed his butlers words as he moved his body closer to him. Closer. So close that he was leaning in. Checking for his temperature.

_"Oh no."_

A soft kiss followed his denying thoughts.

_"Oh yes.."  
_Boy thought as soft kiss grew into something not so soft, but rather more provocative.

"Young master, your fever around me seems as high as ever."

Thoughts about feverish feelings indeed crossed Ciels mind as well as thoughts about what he could use as an excuse just so it would actually seem like a fever as he chose worry.

"Roses, Sebastian. I'm worried about those."

All the memories seemed like a blur. All the reality was a mere blur. But he did remember about all the mess. He felt all the mess he had made last night in their kiss this morning. Sebastian kissed him and it was one of the best sensations he could wish for. He wanted to keep going at this dreamy pace. He wanted to never wake up. Hell, he had made a contract with a demon. He, in his dreams, probably, fell in love with said demon and had sex with him. The best sex he could ever have, even though it was his first sex ever. He didn't care much anymore. Whether it was a dream or reality, whatever, he wanted to be fooled by everything and just enjoy his life at least at a little point of himself… Being alive.

"Roses?" Amused smirk played across demons face as he took his masters hand in his own and led him out of his bed right to the door.

They walked silently to the garden house Sebastian having puzzled thoughts in his mind while Ciel had no thoughts at all, mostly just amusement and joy. It almost seemed as if they had swapped their roles.

* * *

Ciels body was smashed over the table as Sebastian crawled all over it. He was brutal and both of them loved it. Sebastian kept planting his diabolic kisses all over Ciels neck, his collarbone and chest. They were both naked and not caring. And all that Ciel wished was to become immortal, so he would feel those things forever. He wanted to be humiliated by his butler. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted.. He wanted and he got what he wanted. Except he wanted to get that forever.

His demon butler couldn't stand against the temptation as he was going crazy himself. Crazy all over boys body, his nails and teeth digging into him, drawing the tastiest bloodstreams out of him and making them both go into a bliss not even getting to colliding their bodies into one.

"What does pain mean to you?"

"What do you mean, young master?"

"Exactly what I asked. I'm trying to understand something."

"What, my lord?"

"..What pain means to me."

"And what does it mean to you?"

"That I'm alive. But I wish I was not."

"Why not?"

"So I could be hurt by you, even more."

Those words meant everything. Those words were the snapping point of everything mortal, moral, normal.. Everything. His butler said the words he was never supposed to say to his master:

"Then you shall be hurt by me. I will make you feel alive and love that feeling." Were last spoken things as Sebastian trusted his 3 fingers deep inside of boys tight entrance. Sebastians eyes went bloody dark as he saw boys terrified eyes, which were clouded by unreasonable pleasure.

_'It hurts.. It hurts so good.' _

He slid fingers of his free hand inside of boys mouth, abusingly grabbing his tongue and swirling his digits inside boys hot mouth almost triggering the gag reflex, but stopping right before boy could start to protest.

_'What has this human boy done to me, that I am breaking all the laws of the demon world. What has he done to me, that I am feeling things and not being able to let go of those feelings. What has he done to me that I'm willing to be myself with him? With this mere human, and yet he seems so much more than a mere human to me.'_

Looking into his masters eyes the demon could feel himself slowly transforming into a _demon_. Into the _real_ demon, not the human mortal butler, that the boy wished to see once they made the contract, but into _himself_. And he knew that it was bringing them to no good. He was getting lost into the touches, into the lewd expression his little master was making while shamelessly sucking Sebastians digits.

This was getting far too dangerous. Even the demon didn't know what would happen if he accepted all the things he felt and got completely lost in their wicked little actions. He had no idea, even though he always knew everything. Everything, that concerned either mortal world or hell, or even heaven. He had lived through enough long time to have seen everything and have had time to learn everything that he hadn't seen. But he had never seen or heard about demon feeling anything. Ever. He was an exception to all exceptions that could possibly exist in the dark mind of his and that was scaring him. He was unused to anything, that was happening with him, but not knowing something was far too unacceptable for him so he did something that they both didn't expect.

"Ciel… I apologize, but I must urgently take my leave now." He withdrew from his young master leaving him a hot mess spread all over the table with wide, pleading eyes and a complete not understanding of the situation.

Boy laid there for good 5 minutes when finally he understood that he's alone and no one was coming to get him away from there. And then all the feelings came to him. Sebastian had left him. His butler, who promised to be there always. Be with him. _For him_. He had left him alone after making him feel as if he was needed for someone. As if Sebastian wanted to be there with him. He felt abused. He felt used. He was naked, messed up and alone. Rose garden was filled with dark roses, and now Ciel remembered why he loved them so much. Because they were as dark as his empty soul. He was alone. _Alone. _Again. He tried to call out, but no sound came out, boy was suddenly terrified, because he was left _alone_ right after he thought that he has found something that makes him happy and warm. His fragile hand reached out for something invisible and just as soon as he lifted it, he heavily dropped it right back down next to his side, still laying on the table.

_'Get up' _Boy emotionlessly tried to encourage himself. He wanted to scream, he wanted to shout his butlers name and order him to be there with him. He wanted to cry, he felt broken. But nothing came out. Perhaps it was his bodies self-defense, since he was already kind of getting used to being left alone. He never thought that he could be left alone after his parents death, because there really was no one else to leave him, but no. There had to appear a demon who made him attached to himself and then left him alone.

_'Maybe it was his plan all along? From the very begging maybe he wanted to make me fall for him and then leave me feeling all those horrible things once again? Well, that's right. I have no idea what demons need. He said it's my soul. Maybe it's just not good enough if it's broken only once?'_

Broken.

Yes, that was the correct word to describe all the feelings Ciel felt at the moment. And then he got up. As he sorted out his thoughts, he was able to try collecting his shattered pieces. There was no fixing to his heart or soul, but his body was still alive and ready to take revenge for his parents and finally end this endless circle of suffering.

_'I am a fool for trusting a demon.'_

He kept thinking about everything that had happened as he slowly walked back to his room where he locked himself in. He closed the curtains and crawled under his bed covers as if seeking for protection and warmth of at least something, even though it was inanimate object.

_'Such a fool…'_

* * *

Distant voices were yelling him from his sleep and loud bangs on his bedroom door didn't seem to end. It was annoying, but he was far too sleepy and tired of crying the whole night as he finally cried himself to sleep, now people were trying to wake him up again. Wake him up into the harsh reality of his painful life.

"Young master, are you alright?!" Loud voice of a woman didn't seem to ever stop yelling out the same phrase over and over again.

"Open the door, young master!" Males of his household kept repeating and harshly banging on the door.

Woman's voice suddenly stopped yelling as her yells were replaced with loud sobs. The bangs now seemed to stop as well, as judging from sound apparently someone was trying to break the door now with some heavy object. With his household being this loud the reality came creeping in into his mind. He slowly started to wake up from his nightmares into yet another nightmare of his life.

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He finally yelled back with a deep sigh coming right after 'I'm fine' part.

"Thank god, young master, you are alright! But you must eat! Young master, open the door!" Woman stopped her crying now screaming at the closed door once again.

"I said, leave me alone!" For the first time he was this angry and tired at the same time, but the harsh tone in his voice did it's trick as he heard soft "we should go now" "yes, let's go" and heard steps withdraw from his bedrooms door.

"Young master, oh, but please call us if you need anything!" Woman yelled for one last time and lopped away on her heels.

But the loud household succeeded in doing what they were trying to do – they woke their master up. And Ciel was in no condition to go back to sleep as he collected his thoughts, reality and started sobbing because once he had woken up he felt… Heartbroken. Which would had been totally fine, unless it was impossible in his mind. For once he was admitting that he was completely in love with his demon and, for once, he knew that demon hated him. That demon only wished to break him more and more. And he was damn successful at that.

_'He didn't even come to wake me up.'_ Ciel thought to himself as he slowly slipped out of his bed and went to the bathroom. He washed his face, harshly rubbing his eyes with the cold water as he hoped that the action would stop his tears, but it did not. On the contrary, as he looked up in the mirror he started crying even harder.

_'I'm a mess.' _He whispered as he went back to his bed, but this time he felt far too hot to crawl under the blanket, so he slid down on the floor, pressing his back against his bed for support and he kept crying. That was all he was capable of doing. He couldn't even think anymore, he could only cry.

* * *

A dark tint of red was all over the maids face as she quickly shut the door behind her and slid on the floor, her back pressed against said door.

"I'm so so-sorry! Oh, S-Sebastian! I di.. Didn't mean to bar-barge in like t-that! B-but, you we-weren't replying f-for like t-two hours! W-we didn't know what t-to do! Baldroy ordered me to get you out! Young master needs you! He has locked hi-himself inside of his room and won't come out! A-and then you weren't co-oming out and… I'm so sorry!" Mey-Rin started sobbing once again.

The demon was drunk. His shirt was half closed and half tucked in his pants, other half was freely hanging over them as his tie was freely hanging down his neck, tied up in an impossible, messy knot. His hair was messy, his cheeks were flushed and his fangs were nibbling on a half full glass of red wine. He was half lying next to his bed as almost the whole floor of his bedroom was filled with empty bottles of said wine.

Obviously there was no way of a mortal being to drink that much alcohol. But Sebastian was no living being. However on the other hand technically there was no possibility of him getting drunk at all. But there, in his whole life, now was no logic so he found it fairly normal to be in the state of outrageous drunkenness as his whole room was aggressively swirling around and no thoughts were in his mind.

He hadn't even noticed maid's presence until she banged his door closed and started talking. He couldn't understand half of what she said, even though he tried.

All he heard was _'Young master… Needs you… Locked… Sorry.. Sorry… Sorry'_

It really made no sense to him right now, but as he heard that his young master apparently was locked somewhere he clumsily tried to get up, knocking down most of the bottles that were near to him. He grabbed his bed for support, forgetting that he had wine in his hand. He felt his hand being pierced by now broken glass of wine, but didn't bother to remove the chippings of glass, that were slowly thrusting into his flesh. Sharp pain, however, knocked some common sense into him as he realized that he's too drunk to even stand up. As well as he was too drunk, to tell that to Mey-Rin.

He slid back to the ground and looked at his bleeding hand. He tried to bring it to his mouth to draw out the glass out of it with his teeth, but his hand refused to go that high so he simply kept staring at the dark blood, flowing out of his useless body.

It wasn't nearly as bright and hot as Ciels, it didn't turn him on or urge him to lick it. Oh and as his thoughts were back in order once again, he was thinking about the only thing that he didn't want to think about. About the young human who he refused to see after he realized that he doesn't understand how to embrace his newly formed feelings. Honestly, he didn't understand how to take in any feelings at all, since he had never felt a thing in his entire life, except that little warmth that took over him as he sucked away ones soul or that maddening passion that overtook him as he was killing someone or something. He even agreed to the slight feeling of ease as he came, but there was no agreeing to anything else. It was hard enough to fathom the fact that he desired his prey. But there was no understanding to his need, to his urge and wishes. To his madness and heat, to the lewd expression that his young master made that drew him over the edge. He had never wanted a future, since he felt no time. But, for once, he caught himself wishing for a future together with Ciel.

He kept staring at the blood, flowing out of his hand as all sorts of thoughts came flying right back into his mind. All the thoughts that he had tried so hard to drink down.

'_What has become of me.' _

* * *

I'm so sorry for being like the slowest updater ever. Thank you guys, who read this, because ooh there are things coming, so many things 3


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